I think my word of the year has just revealed itself to me. “Believe” was inspired by this meme.
B-become
E-enthralled
L-living
I-in
E-every
V-version of
E-existance
Because I DO want to believe in the beautiful, the good, the joy that will enter my life in 2026.
Too often, I meet those things with fear and doubt and scare them away from ever being experienced. Or the experience I have of them includes preemptive doom or disappointment.
Deep down don’t believe I am worthy of “beautiful things” like hope and joy because too many times those things have slipped through my fingers. I won’t begin to go into the reasons why, but suffice it to say that self-sabotage has a great impact on my life experience – from setting my expectations too high to assuming the aweful. I am my own worst enemy against those “beautiful things”. They simply seem too fragile in my clumsy hands. So, I destroy them before I can enjoy them – thinking I’m saving myself from disappointment.
But I can choose to approach this thought and behavior pattern differently! Maybe 2026 is the year to do just that!
“OK Nikki, that all sounds great. I get where you’re coming from. I do that too. But what am I supposed to do about it?!”
Well, dear one, I can tell you what has worked for me in changing thought and behavior patterns that I’m going to apply to this one too!
It starts with AWARENESS! First, I must be aware that I’m doing that thing I no longer want to be doing. Too often it is an automatic response, these patterns I wish to adjust. This means I’m on autopilot when I begin acting out on them. Sometimes the most difficult step is the very first step: Noticing.
But once I do “catch myself in the act” I’m able to interrupt the cycle if I choose to. And sometimes, simply noticing is all that I have to do to chase away the shadow. Shine the light and the shadow disappears!
To notice, to be aware, I need to know what thoughts or behaviors trend me down the direction I no longer want to go. In the case of “beautiful things”, it’s a fear of losing the thing before I’ve even had a chance to have the thing. That means, if I sabotage it, never have it at all, I’ll never have to deal with the sting of disappointment of losing the joy, or hope or whatever the beautiful thing happens to be.
So, when I notice feelings of fear or disappointment coupled with a “beautiful thing”, this is a sign to me that I am prone to sabotaging it. Just calling myself out might be enough to stop the sabotage in its tracks – and then I’ve done it! I’ve made one tiny step toward changing a thought/behavior pattern that is no longer serving me.
Unfortunately, this change is not an immediate process. These thoughts and behaviors have been with me for 40-something years! It’s truly going to take time and repetition to build a new habit, a new belief system. More than likely, I’ll have to apply other skills and techniques to foster and integrate the “beautiful things”.
Thankfully, through my healing journey, I’ve picked up a few of those tools, skills and techniques! If you find that noticing and interrupting isn’t enough for your desired change, let’s talk! Book a discovery call with me by emailing or texting to learn more about Spiritual Life Coaching and about how I might assist you in your healing journey.